Hola (take twenty-one) Amigos!
Today was awful. And when I say ‘awful’I mean the worst day in a very long time. It reached high anxiety levels and resulted in me nearly passing out.
Due to my physical health problems I had to have an injection today. Needles? Never really a massive problem for me, I’ve been brought up having one type of blood test or injection all the time due to my health. But..today, today, saw me having an injection in my bum…yes my bum. This was because it’s the biggest muscle in us, as humans, and today I had a 3 inch needle with 120ml of steroid injected into me. The sharp ‘scratch’ as they call it, not a phase in the world…the aftermath, however, was the worst in a very long time.
The fact I was having an injection didn’t bother me, but the fact I was having it in my ass, gave me great anxiety. After originally being told I was having it yesterday to then be told I was having it today after we’d travelled to the doctors caused me already extreme amounts of anxiety. The build up to it is what I hate. I hate not knowing what to expect. So when I arrived at the doctors I was nervous for the fact I was going to have to get half naked infront of a doctor I didn’t even know. I mean I don’t just pull my pants down for anyone if you know what I mean so to do this caused me a lot of stress. To then be told how much it would hurt because it’s the maximum amount they can inject into one muscle in one sitting only caused that already very high anxiety level to shoot up even higher. Already I felt sick because of my hatred for hospitals..although I’ve spent all of my life being taken in and out due to mental or physical health problems the feeling for me has never changed. The smell full of bacterial hand gel trying to get rid of the frequent germs, the noises full of coughing and spluttering, a nearby kid crying or the tapper of a computer keypad, the touch of a magazine that you’re reading to try and distract yourself while your palms drip with sweat, the sight of various ages all shifting ready for the appointment. I hate it all, I hate hate hate it all. But either way, I was here, in the room now, ready to have a 3 inch needle be shoved into my ass and I couldn’t do anything about it.
After the injection I walked outside and mum and I waited for my Dad to come and pick us up after he’d gone and got petrol, it felt like he’d taken hours and I must’ve passed out because I hardly remember a thing. All I remember is not being able to see and my ears blocking out noises..the usual signs I have before I faint, I screamed to my mum and this is all I remember of the drive home. Now I didn’t faint due to the pain of the injection but rather due to the amount of anxiety I had built up over the 48 hours of all this kaffaffle..the adrenaline all hit me at once and eventually caused me to pass out. Which was awful.
Today, in recovery mode, I brought my duvet downstairs and snuggled up all day, drifting in and out of naps and I am so relieved to say I feel much better now, and I hope the ache on my bum continues to get less and less until it disappears, especially as I have prom on Friday!
This wasn’t based on a particular topic instead just my awful day and I don’t know how my readers will respond to this but I needed to get it out. If you want more off topic discussions based on my problems during days then please let me know in the comments or email me – email@example.com.
x x x