Posted in Autsim, Daily update

Failing relationships… 

Hola (take thirty-one) Amigos!

Don’t worry!! Me and my boyfriend are okay!!

After a load of crap I’ve been dealing with by friends I felt it was only right to post a blog on it. Writing helps me relieve the stress so yous lot just have to put up with it! Would you prefer a spam or no post at all?

It’s a tough one. A really tough one. Being friends while struggling with PDA. Or any type of autism for that matter. Friendship isn’t easy, not at the best of times for the most ‘normal’ people. It means constantly compromising, it means making other people happy and sometimes it even means arguing. However, arguing shows you care – it’s horrible, excruciating and aggravating but it’s a normal aspect of life. It’s important, it’s necessary to fight for those you love. As clichè as it is and as much as you hear it, people argue because they’re fighting for each other, not against each other. Sometimes those arguments seem the worst ever but forgiveness is always an option.

I’ve been distancing myself from friends for what seems like forever, it’s those times when bad things happen elsewhere and you feel the need to be alone. It’s been like that a while for me. I’ve been struggling with other things on my mind so I’ve been separating myself from friends and the drama that comes with most girls at the age of 17. However, it all came backfiring to me last week, when my ex sent a horrid text saying how I was losing everyone. I knew what he was saying was right but I wasn’t going to admit that, he was only saying it out of spite anyway. Truth be told, the only reason I’ve been drifting from them is down to him. Being in the same friendship group as your ex is not enjoyable, let me tell you. The demands of trying to stay civil while not being too friendly is not nice. My friends seem to be getting off with him left, right and centre and it’s not nice to see whether or not you’re fully over them, especially when they’re your so called ‘friends’. So, my ex put me into WW3 as I asked all my friends what was up and if we were okay (to which I learned only 2 were annoyed) and then he decided not to message me back, to say to other mutual friends of mine and his that he wasn’t getting involved. Nothing like dropping your ex into arguments and then pi**ing off elsewhere is there!

However, today brought forgiveness. It brought me a new frame of mine. I apologised to one of my friends for my actions and explained I was only isolating myself (Whether I think she did wrong or not I didn’t mention). Sometimes I think forgiving and forgetting is the best possible option. I know if I stick to my usual stubborn self I’m only going to regret my decisions in the long run..when I go to Reading festival with both my ex and our friendship group and when we go back to school. It’s something I need to do so it’s not playing on the back of my mind all summer.

I can’t stress enough how tricky any relationships are to keep when you have PDA. The demands are tough and never ending but sometimes tricky friendships make everything so much worse. Being demanded to be friendly non stop at school is another barrier for us – one that many don’t even spare a second thought to. I just need to stress that it’s okay to find them difficult, it’s completely normal to everyone, even more so to those with autism. Sometimes it seems the best option to keep to your stubborn guts during the argument but it’s also important to remember the benefits forgiving and forgetting will give you in the long run. I’m not saying don’t stick up for yourself because that’s vitally important and a trait that’ll be so useful over time. However, sometimes you have to prioritise your battles and when you’re battling against the demands everyday, you can’t afford a separate fight.

Please remember – relationships and friendships that are supposed to be…will be.

Sorry about the rambling post. I needed it off my chest.

Thank you – email me abigailbrookshalling@gmail.com for absolutely anything!

Abigail J

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Posted in Autsim

I’m Back!

Hola (take thirty) Amigos!

I’M BACK!

I know I know, not soon enough, almost 6 months later. I’m sorry, as usual when it comes to timing on this website.

So, quick catch up..A levels going well, just done my AS’ and I need grades DDD to get into next year to do the actual A levels, I find out my results in August, not too stressed as I’ve been meeting those targets since joining last September. Been a mare at home recently, with sister moving out/not moving out, and a few arguments which is unlike us lot, so routine is a bit messed up but as it’s Summer I’m coping okay. Also today I did my driving theory test…only 2 days after turning 17 and PASSED it! So very chuffed, now onto the actual driving I guess. Also, I’m doing a 10k run in September to raise money for the MS Society, a horrible illness that my Dad struggles with so one very close to my heart, so a lot of training goes into that! If anyone would be kind enough to donate I’d greatly appreciate it! The link to my Just Giving page is – https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/katieandabbi?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=shares-from-eua&utm_content=KatieandAbbi&utm_campaign=

So, onto the juicy bit, I’ve got a new(ish) boyfriend, coming up to the 6 month mark now but as I’m useless at keeping my blog updated, to you guys it will be a new boyfriend! And the guy I broke up with and was so heartbroken over on a previous post turned out to be a right tw*t! However, he remains in my friendship group so has caused a lot of problems between me and my friends, due to him trying to get with the girls closest to me, fortunately for me though, true colours have been shown and I’m starting to realise who I can and can’t trust. Hoping it settles over the Summer and we all stop snapping at each other, but my ex definitely isn’t my biggest fan and I couldn’t care less! So, I promise you, the pain fades quicker than you can imagine! Anyway, onto my boyfriend, it’s been amazing for all types of reasons, the main one concerned for this blog is the fact I HAVE TOLD HIM ABOUT MY PDA! Can you believe it?! Because I still can’t. He knew I struggled from anxiety and had something else that I wasn’t comfortable enough to tell him yet, but eventually it kind of came out, probably about 4 months into the relationship. Telling him seemed no big deal, I did tell him over text as to avoid the judging eyes just incase they happened! and he took it amazingly! He googled it and got himself educated on a type of Autism he’d never heard of, it was nice to know he wanted to try and understand what I go through which is why he looked into it but I also panicked he’d believe everything he read applied to me – sometimes things can be exaggerated online by Doctors etc who don’t actually know a lot about the diagnosis but more common than that, symptoms that I, personally, don’t struggle with and I didn’t want him to think it all applied to me. However, it was the aftermath of telling him I struggled with, about 2 days later I panicked and over thought it all which concluded in me telling myself that my boyfriend was going to break up with me and as those with PDA do, I scraped at everything I could to take control of the situation, the only way I thought I could do this though was unfortunately breaking up with him! However, luckily, it was all sorted after a couple of hours and he stressed again how it changed nothing between us, I was no different person having told him I’d got PDA and in his words I “certainly wasn’t ‘Abbi, my girlfriend with PDA’ but still ‘Abbi, my beautiful girlfriend” so all did turn out hunky dory! The deeper we get into our relationship the happier I am that he knows, he knows much better how to deal with telling me what to do, keeping me in control of situations, alarming me of everything that’s going on and also, most importantly, UNDERSTANDING I have down days/weeks sometimes and it’s nothing to do with him! Something that I’ve found is vital in a relationship. I can’t stress enough how he makes me the happiest girl alive, all those clichè relationship quotes that you see do eventually feel real and I’m so hopelessly in love with him, and you know how I’m never optimistic..I have a lovely feeling everything’s going to work out with him..fingers crossed! A photo is attached at the bottom of the two of us smiling away, as proof that telling your partner about your Autism or any other diagnosis doesn’t have to be scary and if they’re truly the one for you, it’ll make no difference whatsoever!

Overall then, I’m very pleased I told him, it turned out in my favour and I can’t imagine a decent partner who would criticise you for something you can’t help, just telling them you have PDA doesn’t change the person whom they’ve fallen in love with. Wait until you feel 100% comfortable with this decision though and don’t panic like I did!

I am going to try my best to keep up with updating this blog – I’m going on holiday tomorrow for a week so might have to spare me some time first! Applying to Uni’s recently now for Creative Writing so this blog will certainly help my experience on the writing/publishing behalf!

Thankyou for reading and sorry for the long wait! I hope it was worth it!

Change of email again! Due to too much junk in my old email so please make sure to email abigailbrookshalling@gmail.com if you do want to get in touch for any reason, wanting a chat, advice or requesting a blog post on a specific subject please feel free to!

Thankyou.

Abigail J

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