Hola (take thirty-nine) Amigos!
I’ve been trying to write this specific blog post for 9 very long weeks but in all honesty I’m still struggling to find the words. On the 29th April, I lost my best friend, my wee doggo. I’ve never felt an emptiness in my heart like I have since his heart beat for the very last time. It’s so tricky to explain but when he’s been around since I was just 4 (I’m now nearly 18) I’ve never known any different. After all these weeks I still expect him to come running up to me when I come through the front door. I still expect to have his hair all over my leggings. I still expect to hear his collar jingle. I still expect to hear his paws on the wooden flooring. I still expect to hear him panting. But mostly, I still expect to have my best friend here whenever I need him.
They always say it gets easier with time but currently every day is breaking my heart more..I ache to be able to stroke him one last time. The grief I’ve felt since he passed is a whole new level. There’s a constant dark cloud hanging over me knowing he isn’t here and never will be again. Today was particularly hard as we were looking through old photos and he’s in every single one snooping in the back ground, how I wish he could still do this now. Home is just not home anymore and I know it’ll never be the same. No doggo will ever replace the wee rascal that never even barked.
My heart broke as you breathed for the last time and the vet said you’d gone, nothing has and nothing will be able to put back the shattered parts that went with you that day. The tears are still with me that came when they picked you up and you were floppy, lifeless. However, I know you’re the brightest star in the sky now and that’s what matters.
There’ll always be a special place in my heart for you my gorgeous baby boy. I wish words could do justice to how amazing you were. If I could go back to being young and playing catch with you I’d go there in an instant. I thank my lucky stars that you were able to be my families because you were so perfect, gentle and compassionate. I’m so grateful for the 13 years I had with you. I hope you know how missed and loved you are because I’m broken hearted down here. Keep a space up there warm for me for when I can come and give you all them cuddles you’ve missed out on. I love you and I always always will. Just know that if love could’ve kept you alive you’d have been with us forever. Sleep tight my guardian angel x
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