Posted in Uncategorized

The Update you all need/deserve..

Hola (take fourty-one) Amigos!

First of all, I’ve had so much feedback already from my last post, so thank-you. I’m slightly overwhelmed; I did not expect people to still be following me, let alone interested in what I was saying. So, thank-you, I’m so unbelievably grateful.

There’s a lot of things I want to say, a lot of topics I want to write about, but I guess it’s only fair that this one is an update. After all, in 2 years a hell of a lot has changed!

One thing I noticed was that my second latest post was written after I lost my dog. When I finally posted again this morning, amidst a break down. I took note of the date. 05.03 – Murphy’s birthday, he would have been 15! I feel like it’s almost a sign that he’s still with me. It’s crazy how I can still miss him so much, as us with PDA know it’s easy to get obsessions, it’s clear to me now for a long 13 years my obsession was him. No one could make me happier. He consoled me in a way no human could ever understand and it still feels like half my heart has gone. We’ve got another Labrador now, a golden one called Sullivan, he’s now 2 and the cheekiest pup I’ve ever known. I love him to bits but there’s a special place in my heart for Murph and the rest of the shattered bits seem to be glued up with memories of him.

Another thing is an update on my life, in general. I posted how I got into Uni, however, I never officially said that I went. I have infact made it. September 2018, I packed my bags and moved out of my home, into a place I didn’t know with people I didn’t know! This is huuuuuge – not just for PDA’ers but absolutely anyone. That first night I cried and cried and cried, wanting to pack my bags back up and return to the safety of my own home. However, after many months of going back home during the weekend, I started to settle in. It was a constant battle but if I hadn’t stayed at uni and deferred a year, I knew I’d never have stepped foot in education again. It’s unbelievable now, but this little city of Lincoln is my home away from home. I sit here typing this up with my flatmate opposite me in our own little apartment. Trust me, when I say life has one hell of a weird way of working out. I don’t want to mistake you, and say it’s all butterflies and rainbows, it really isn’t. I just had half term and I was dreading coming back, thoughts of dropping out came into my head. But, if it’s one thing I owe my Mum (I owe her a lot), I’m no quitter! I’m over half way through this uni experience and the end is in light. Also, terrifying though – starting my dissertation brings anxiety bubbling over and it’s scary to think of life after uni now. But, at the moment, uni is chugging along nicely and my English and creative writing course doesn’t seem to be a regret – I say this now, before I start my dissertation, haha!

I also know it’s important to update you on the job front. As we all remember my anxiety to get an interview and then getting the job and quitting before I even started! April 2019 I started a job at All Bar One, with my sister working there I had a security blanket. I was meant to just be a glass collector but one thing led to another and I seemed to be doing as much as everyone else. I’ve made some amazing friends and it’s here I met my boyfriend. I, since quit, in January as I want an easier schedule over summer in regards to a job. I’m going to be starting my dissertation and working until 2am isn’t what I need. So there’s that. Another massive achievement, who’d have thought it?!

Update on the relationship, if you saw my usual rant last night I’m going backwards and seem to be stuck in a rut. I love him to pieces and I know it’s not the end of us but I really could still do with some advice on how to stop PDA getting on top of me during relationships. I’m not naive to the fact my young age is also a player in the problems but I know it’s mostly me going through a down phase and with high anxiety, therefore my PDA is boiling over. All will be fine, I know it will be. Sometimes, it takes a while to prove it to yourself though.

Anyway, these are the basic updates I guess. Other than, I’m now 19 and July is coming ever close which means I’m coming to the end of my teens! I was 15 when I first wrote my blog, how crazy! I’ll be back very soon with certain topics that I know I want to discuss, but you all deserve to know where I’m at now, so I guess that’s it.

As always, thank you and if you got this far I’m immensely amazed! My email is always open – abigailbrookshalling@gmail.com – feel free to message me at any point, with advice, questions, or topics you’d want me to write on. Please also send this blog around for anyone it could help, as always if I help one person then my job here is achieved.

Thank you,

Abigail J

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Posted in Autsim

PDA’ers & Relationships..

Hola (take ??) Amigos,

Guess what? I’m sorry. But, no, wait, I really am. It’s almost been 2 years..what?? Where has time gone?? Massive life update *pending*. It’s been a hell of a long while so for that I can only apologise. This blog is constantly in my mind and I know I need to get back to it but the demands of uni seem to be winning the battle so far. Lots of new things are going on with me, as I’m sure they are with all of you. However, I’ll touch base on that soon (I promise).

This blog post particularly is actually one that I think about writing a lot. However, tonight seems to be the night to do it. I’m currently sat in my bed, crying at 1am wondering if I’m just cursed when it comes to a romantic relationship or if PDA plays a massive part in it?

So, I’ve had 2 previous relationships – both of which went sour from 8 months and completely ended at 13 months. I’m not sure if it’s because I pick the bad ones, because I’m too young, because I get bored easily (which I do) or if the demands simply get too much.

I’m now just past 8 months with my partner, and as per previous experiences, the arguing has increased..a lot. We’ve gone from never arguing to it happening fairly often. It’s normally me egging it on over something very small but still something that’s really affected me (regardless of the fact that it wasn’t intended to and to be honest it shouldn’t make me annoyed.) I get to this point and I just can’t help but see the benefits of being single. It’s not to do with how I’ve fallen out of love or anything remotely to do with him. Just, that it’s getting too much. I find myself crying more easily and struggling with communication (especially over text whilst I’m at uni.) I just come to a sort of block where 2 days are fine and then the next, anything and everything seems to irritate the hell out of me. I’m fighting a constant battle with my own head which seems to tell me to abort all missions and run miles.

I know I normally try to help with my blogs (albeit, it’s been a while) but this time I’m begging for advice..is it normal? Is this just young adult life? Is it to do with PDA? If anyone has any advice, it’d be much appreciated as it feels like I’m at a dead end. Again.

As always my email is abigailbrookshalling@gmail.com and although I don’t post that much, that email is always open to anyone who needs the help.

Thank you,

ABIGAIL J

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